It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
