Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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