College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
