"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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