I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
