Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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