So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
