Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
