I want to have your abortion
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
