Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
