when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
