I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
