So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You can't motorboat a personality
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Too much gin, very little bucket
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
