Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
