Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
