it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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