what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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