The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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