Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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