I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
