I wish my penis had an off switch
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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