It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
