I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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