Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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