I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
