Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
