Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
