You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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