just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
