It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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