dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
