This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
