i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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