Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i now understand why vodka
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
