Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
