I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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