my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
