Your face is a jimmy john
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
