I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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