I think I died a long time ago.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
