it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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