Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
