Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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