I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
