New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ketchup is God's man juice
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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