soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
