Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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