if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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