so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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