I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
