I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ttyl tear gas
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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