Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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