Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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