just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
