Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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