Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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