I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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